October 30, 2022
I’m not quite ready to quit my day job for my pickleball career. But gosh, I sure do love the joy that this soothing, satisfying sport gives me in this complicated world, one in which unlearning fables is necessary.
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I Was Today Years Old When I Found Out … →
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September 25, 2022
There is a lot about American history that I was today years old when I learned it. What does someone who loves this country deep in their bones do when these blood-boiling, heart-hurting moments happen? How do we respond when we realize that we have been telling ourselves — and our children — stories that are at best, incomplete, and sometimes, untrue? I sense that I am not alone in looking for a way to deal with those negative emotions in a productive and resilient way. That is why I wrote A MORE JUST FUTURE: Psychological Tools for Reckoning with our Past and Driving Social Change. My publisher, Simon & Schuster / Atria, will be releasing the book in a few weeks (October 18!) but they have given me permission to share a sneak peek with you. For the first time ever in public, here are the opening 500 words of A MORE JUST FUTURE (with some bonus pictures)!
20 Books You Should Know About (and Cocoa Turns 2!)→
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August 28, 2022
Last month, I shared 2022 books that explicitly focused on issues related to diversity and inclusion. This month, I am focusing on new 2022 books that (mostly) focus on non-diversity topics that are valuable to those trying to be more inclusive..
It’s Raining … Books!→
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July 31, 2022
In this issue, I share what is on my bookshelf these days (and how we enjoyed a retro night of disco for our 19th wedding anniversary). Keep reading to see the book list and our disco outfits! Also, I am going to devote both the July and August issues of Dear Good People to books; July will be Part 1 — focused on books about diversity and inclusion topics — some of which I have already read and others I am eager to dive into - and August will be Part 2 - focused on books about other topics that are helpful in building our inclusion skills.
The Karate Kid and Me→
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June 26, 2022
In my life, my work, and my newsletter, I am striving to let go of my Karate Kid-like view of being a good person. In that view and movie, either you are or you are not a good person, and whatever your definition of good person is, it got frozen in time when you were 14. Instead, I am aspiring to be more like Cobra Kai, in which the characters are (sometimes) evolving with the times, striving for better, and willing to own and let go of the norms (and fashion choices) of the past. I am realizing that Daniel was the villain in Johnny’s story, that no one perspective is the whole story. I am noticing how stuff that was normal in our youth was really not so inclusive at all.
Guess What I Am Doing On Tuesday?!→
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May 22, 2022
On Tuesday, we say goodbye to the Pearsons as This is Us airs its series finale, the long-anticipated close to the show’s six year arc. My husband and I have watched and loved the show since the beginning. It is the only TV show that is noted in our family calendar. Now, as it ends, I realize that it was not only a great show, but also the kind of show that gives us practice at some key inclusion skills. (I promise: no spoilers ahead and no need to have ever watched/liked the show).
16 Things I Teach My Students→
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April 30, 2022
I hope my students are the kinds of bosses that both deliver results and change lives for the better, the bosses you would walk through fire for. Those kind of bosses have something in common. Great bosses are inclusive. If you are not inclusive, you are not a boss. You may be good, in certain situations, with certain people. But the greats are not limited to certain situations and certain people.
11 (Fun, Easy) Ways to Tell Hollywood that Diversity Is a Safe Bet→
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March 27, 2022
We can do far more than we think to shape decision makers in charge of what to greenlight, where to spend marketing dollars, how much to budget, when to stick with a struggling or higher-risk project, and whose work gets publicity and press. We can influence what is seen as mainstream and a safe bet. We just need some inside info on how ... and here it is.
4 Things I Learned from My Wardrobe Intervention→
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February 27, 2022
We often do not see how the past and present relate because many of us have learned a whitewashed version of our history. The narratives we learned left us in a rut of our own, making it difficult to move forward. Just like my wardrobe, our country is in need of a true, intentional, authentic remix — what I call a “Knowledge Remix.”
We All Need a Little Wordle in Our Lives→
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January 30, 2022
Okay, folks, I interrupt today’s Wordle to bring you this month’s tips on how to be a more inclusive person. Whether you are a Wordle fan or not, stick with me for this one.
Need a Pep Talk? Me Too.→
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December 19, 2021
When I am running on empty, I turn to a good pep talk. The science of pep talks is known as motivating language theory and highlights three important elements. A good pep talk does some or all of the following:
Provides direction on what needs to be done
Offers empathy for the challenges we face, and
Makes meaning out of the situation and its importance.
So, in that spirit, here are some of my favorite pep talks.
Must-See TV→
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November 21, 2021
Documentaries today are entertaining, educational, and best of all, highly accessible, largely fueled by the rise of streaming platforms. Storytellers and the stories they are telling are more diverse than ever. Some say this is the golden age of “docu-mania.” I don't watch as much TV as I used to, but I still love it. And, I no longer view being entertained versus educated as mutually exclusive; I love a good documentary. Many are in the Dear Good People spirit. Here are five recent documentaries I loved.
Project Declutter→
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October 31, 2021
Did I mention we are downsizing from a larger suburban house to a smaller city apartment? Needless to say, I have been summoning all of the decluttering gods. Well, the universe delivered. Ileana Ferreras is a life coach who specializes in “helping people tap into their internal and external resources in areas of life where they want breakthroughs.” While I am not lucky enough to be her client, it is because I have the good fortune of calling her friend (and I refer friends to her as clients). While she is not a decluttering expert or organizer, Ileana understands how our stuff can be an obstacle. She felt my angst and offered counsel in what I call “Ileana-isms.”
What do Ted Lasso and Anita Hill Have in Common?→
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September 26, 2021
At the same time that my husband and I were smiling our way through Ted Lasso Season 1, I was also reading an advance copy of Anita Hill’s excellent new book, Believing: Our Thirty-Year Journey to End Gender Violence, to be released on Tuesday. That is how a sometimes silly-ish sitcom created by Hollywood comedians and a serious book written by an iconic activist / law professor became strange brainfellows in my mind this month. So, my dear good people, here are four things that Coach Ted Lasso and Professor Anita Hill have in common.
7 New Books You May Not Have Heard Of ... Yet→
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August 29, 2021
Since I have heard about or screened some new releases, I wanted to share a few with you. Some are getting a lot of buzz, but I bet you have not heard of all on this list. Here are 7 new non-fiction books about diversity, inclusion, and bias (or adjacent topics), all relevant to the scope of the Dear Good People newsletter.
What I Pray For →
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July 31, 2021
A worried parent once confided in me, “I pray that my son is not different from the other kids.” I was genuinely confused. Mind you, I pray daily for my children. I light incense from India, where my family is from. I chant Hindu and Sikh hymns. I pray for my children’s health, joy, wisdom, character, resilience, and peace of mind ... not to mention immunity from heartbreak, immortal pets, indefinite teenage metabolism, and improved capacity to put dishes in the dishwasher. It had never occurred to me to pray for them to not be different.
Five Ways You Should NOT Honor Juneteenth→
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June 18, 2021
With so many obscure, commercial, or fake holidays, it is hard to know when and how to truly pause and commemorate a holiday of collective import. Which is why I want to talk about our newest federal holiday, Juneteenth (June 19). Here is the who, what, where, when, why, and most importantly, how (not to celebrate) you need to know.
What Did I Miss?→
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May 23, 2021
Dear Good People has grown into something far beyond what I originally expected. Together, we are trying to be good-ish people always asking ourselves, “What did I miss?” We are striving to be the people we mean to be (or, the people our pets think we are). This Tuesday, we will commemorate the anniversary of George Floyd’s death. I will be holding his family — especially his young daughter — in my prayers. As they commemorate his passing, I am using this moment to reflect on what I have learned and done over the past year, and to commit to learning more and doing more in the future.
So Many Books, So Little Time (and Willpower)→
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April 25, 2021
Books have always played an important role in the work of anti-racism and anti-bias. Non-fiction deepens our knowledge and broadens our perspectives. Fiction focused on character development unlocks the inner lives and outer circumstances of others, deepening our empathy. Fighting bias in and around us requires that we be lifelong learners. While reading does not replace action, it can inform and inspire action, which is why I often recommend books in this newsletter.
Celebrity Pop Quiz→
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March 28, 2021
Professors Thierry Devos and Mahzarin Banaji used images similar to these in their “American = White” studies. Study participants categorized celebrities as American or Foreign at rapid speed. Even when the Asian-Americans were n-th generation-U.S. citizens and the White-Europeans were not, an “American = White” implicit association emerged. Notably, this is not how study participants responded when given time to formulate an explicit, more deliberative response. Dr. Banaji often refers to our implicit associations as the thumbprints of the culture around us. Lately, I have been thinking a lot about that American = White fingerprint, in light of the spike in bias, hate, and violence against the Asian-American and Pacific Islander (AAPI, often referred to as Asian-American) communities during the pandemic.